Of course, none of us had the slightest clue how to dance. But we did agree that ballroom dancing looked pretty nifty and what the heck - if we could stay upright and throw in a couple of turns, we could boogie with the best of 'em.

Tony went to a local library and checked out several Do-It-Yourself Dancing Lessons in the hopes that maybe we could learn a few steps before the outing, but the books turned out to be hilariously outmoded. Along with dance steps (which we never learned), one book contained etiquette instructions. Our favorite was, "Do not put your hand in the small of a lady’s back unless you have her brought flowers." Well, Tony hadn’t realized flowers were required, but we collected our friends and set off to dance.

Previously, the musicians had been a wonderful 40’s-style big band, with a front line of saxophones and a tuxedoed bandleader. Much to our dismay, the band had been replaced by a singer who, accompanied by a cheesy keyboardist, was belting out a rendition of "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.

We braved the gyrating masses to take a whirl to "Rock Around The Clock" (the small of my back never became an issue), but gave up when the band moved on to "The Electric Slide".

Tony looked a little disappointed. In fact, so was I. Assuming a posture of mock indignation I bellowed, "We won't stand for this! Protest! Get out the Hawaiian Nose Harp!"

"The Hawaiian what?" Tony asked.
"Nose harp," said I.
There was a pause, and a wary smile spread across his face.
"Um, what's that?" he said, with a look of I-might-regret-I-asked.

"Here," I said, "let me show you."